It's been over 2 months since I've updated and so much has happened. Maybe one day I will get other things caught up and blogged about but for now, the most important thing is the expected arrival of another sweet little boy in April.
We found out in August that we were expecting again. I felt from the very beginning that it was a boy. I want a girl...badly, but I just knew this one was a boy. My dates were all messed up so I really wasn't sure how far along I was when I took the pregnancy test and I had no clue when my due date would be. My doctor was able to get me in right away and do an ultrasound. He didn't see anything so he said I could just be early or it could be a sign that I was going to have a miscarriage. They did some blood tests over the next few days to see what my HCG and progesterone levels were doing and then told me to come back in a week for another ultrasound. It was a stressful week of waiting. Tagg was out of town and I was pretty nervous about everything. At the next ultrasound, he was able to see something but still said he wouldn't call it a positive pregnancy yet. I spent the first 2 weeks just waiting to miscarry at some point because my doctor didn't seem too optimistic about it. Finally, the next week, we were able to see and hear the heartbeat and measure the baby. I was measuring 6 weeks along which explained why they didn't see much in the previous 2 ultrasounds. At that point, things finally started to seem real. However, I've been nervous my whole pregnancy that something bad was going to happen. According to my pattern (Zach, Beckett, 3rd pregnancy, Griff) this one was going to end badly. I had hope and tried to have faith that taking the shots this time would keep this baby alive and healthy inside me. The rest of my first trimester was pretty uneventful. I was sick and nauseous, but that goes along with being pregnant. My sister-in-law was pregnant and due about a month before me. It was fun to go through pregnancy things together. In October though, at 16 weeks, she got the heartbreaking news that their little baby's heart had stopped beating. I was so sad for them and all they were going through plus I felt guilty for being pregnant still. It also made me much more on edge and nervous that something was going to go wrong with my pregnancy too. I just really don't understand why pregnancy and getting babies here is so hard for so many people!
At 13 weeks I went to see the high risk doctor and everything looked great on the ultrasound. He gave me his prediction then that this was a boy. No surprise to me, but we didn't want to announce it yet as 13 weeks is really early to tell gender and there was a chance he was wrong. He said he's right 99% of the time and so far he's been right on all of my pregnancies when he's told us at 13 weeks.
I had a few scares at doctor appointments after that when they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler and had to do an ultrasound instead. Apparently this little man just sits really low so he's hard to pick up on the doppler.
I started feeling him move around 16 weeks. It was very slight and I wasn't totally sure I was really feeling him. I didn't feel my other kids until almost 20 weeks. Since then I've felt more movement everyday. That is a relief to finally be able to feel movement and have a little reminder each day that he is alive and well.
On December 1, I was 18 weeks 6 days and I went in for my big ultrasound. The ultrasound tech confirmed he was a boy and started raving about how fantastic he looked. As soon as I saw him on the screen I saw his heart beating away which is the main thing I always look for first. She started measuring his brain and said, "He's making my job easy! He's a beautiful baby." She was going through things and talking about how great everything looked. She said he doesn't have clef pallet and he was measuring about a week ahead. No surprise there either. I was a little distracted towards the end because my boys were starting to get restless and Tagg wasn't able to be at that appointment with me. Looking back now, I can tell she got a little quite towards the end of the ultrasound. And she never did say anything about the heart, good or bad, which I realize now was a little strange. Honestly though, I had no clue she was worried about anything. She printed off my pics and told me to wait to see the doctor for my checkup. I texted Tagg and told him everything was good. Baby was big, healthy and had a nice strong heartbeat.
After a few minutes the doctor came in. She said, "So, it's kind of early to do your 20 week ultrasound." I was still oblivious and thought she didn't realize they had done it already so I told her they just did it. She said, "Because it's a little early, Rebecca (the ultrasound tech) wasn't able to see everything she needed to see with his heart." Again, totally unaware I was thinking that they just wanted me to come back in a few weeks to get a better look. Then my doctor said, "From what she was able to see though, she thinks there are some abnormalities." I wasn't really processing what she was saying and I just sat there. She said she wasn't able to tell me exactly what was going on because they needed to get a better look at things. I still just sat there staring at her. Then she said, "You've been through so much already, you really don't need this!" And that's when it hit me. I started bawling. I have been through a lot and I didn't want to go through this too. That's also when I realized this was something serious. She told me I needed to go see Dr. Peters (the high risk doc they work with) right away. She said they had called his office and he was waiting for me to get there. Again, the seriousness of this situation set in. She told me that Dr. Peter's machines are a little better plus he's just more skilled in this area and he should be able to tell me exactly what is going on. She also told me of another problem with the baby which was a completely separate issue. She said that he had a single artery umbilical cord which wasn't too much of a worry since his kidneys looked good. She wanted Dr. Peters to look at that though as well. I called Tagg and tried to explain what was going on through all the tears. I was scared to death of what was going to happen. He was able to reschedule things at work and meet me at the high risk doctor. We had to wait in the waiting room for an hour and a half before he was able to get us in. It was torture. Not only having to wait that long, but having the kids with us too. I thought this was just going to be a quick appointment when I went in at 9 in the morning and it was now noon. I had no food or snacks and my boys were hungry and tired. We were finally taken back to the room and the ultrasound tech started looking at things. I really hate that they aren't allowed to say things because it just makes me so much more nervous. Dr. Peters came in a few minutes later and started looking at things. Of course, Griff started crying as the ultrasound started and Dr. Peters told Tagg he needed to take Griff out since he was crying. I already have issues with Dr. Peters. He's an amazingly knowledgable doctor with the worst bedside manner EVER! After losing Zach and my 3rd pregnancy at 17 weeks he still told me he didn't think I was high risk and that people lose pregnancies all the time. Not exactly the best thing to say to a lady who has been through what I've been through. Anyway, Tagg didn't want to leave but I told him to take Griff out for a minute to see if he calmed down. Luckily he did and was able to come back in the room.
By the end of the ultrasound he diagnosed our little man with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome. He showed us in the ultrasound how blood was only pumping through the left side of the heart. It was very clear to see that and it's amazing to me what detail they can see now on ultrasounds. That was pretty much all he told us and he said we needed to go see a fetal cardiologist to get more details. He also confirmed the single artery umbilical cord. Apparently this happens in 1% of pregnancies and hopefully shouldn't be too much of an issue. He did say that he wanted to do some genetic testing. If there is one issue with a baby they can just handle the one issue. However, if there's ever more than one issue, it's a red flag that there may be something happening with the chromosomes (down syndrome, etc) which is causing the issues. Because I'm on a blood thinner they can't do an amnio until I'm off of it for a few days so they just did a blood draw which isn't as accurate, but should show if there's anything going on related to the chromosomes. We still don't have the results back from that so I'm holding my breath to see what the test shows. We asked him a few questions about what it meant that he had HRHS. What would his life be like, etc. He wouldn't tell us much, but he did say he would for sure have to have surgery after he was born. He told us that the surgery techniques they use are relatively new so there's not a lot of data on it. He did say that doctors think most of these kids will eventually end up on the heart transplant list. That totally freaked me out! Tagg asked him if there is a chance that the right side of the heart will still develop or get bigger and Dr. Peters said there isn't. He also said that unless this is something that has to do with chromosomes, our baby should be fine as long as he's inside me. Right now our baby doesn't have to make his own oxygen so as long as he's in me, this condition doesn't affect him. It's after he's born that it gets scary. I felt a little relieved to know that hopefully stillbirth isn't something we need to worry about this time around.
We left his office confused, concerned and heartbroken. We still didn't know really what all this meant and what to expect. We anxiously awaited our appointment with the Fetal Cardiologist where we would hopefully get more answers. My next post will be about that appointment.
We found out in August that we were expecting again. I felt from the very beginning that it was a boy. I want a girl...badly, but I just knew this one was a boy. My dates were all messed up so I really wasn't sure how far along I was when I took the pregnancy test and I had no clue when my due date would be. My doctor was able to get me in right away and do an ultrasound. He didn't see anything so he said I could just be early or it could be a sign that I was going to have a miscarriage. They did some blood tests over the next few days to see what my HCG and progesterone levels were doing and then told me to come back in a week for another ultrasound. It was a stressful week of waiting. Tagg was out of town and I was pretty nervous about everything. At the next ultrasound, he was able to see something but still said he wouldn't call it a positive pregnancy yet. I spent the first 2 weeks just waiting to miscarry at some point because my doctor didn't seem too optimistic about it. Finally, the next week, we were able to see and hear the heartbeat and measure the baby. I was measuring 6 weeks along which explained why they didn't see much in the previous 2 ultrasounds. At that point, things finally started to seem real. However, I've been nervous my whole pregnancy that something bad was going to happen. According to my pattern (Zach, Beckett, 3rd pregnancy, Griff) this one was going to end badly. I had hope and tried to have faith that taking the shots this time would keep this baby alive and healthy inside me. The rest of my first trimester was pretty uneventful. I was sick and nauseous, but that goes along with being pregnant. My sister-in-law was pregnant and due about a month before me. It was fun to go through pregnancy things together. In October though, at 16 weeks, she got the heartbreaking news that their little baby's heart had stopped beating. I was so sad for them and all they were going through plus I felt guilty for being pregnant still. It also made me much more on edge and nervous that something was going to go wrong with my pregnancy too. I just really don't understand why pregnancy and getting babies here is so hard for so many people!
At 13 weeks I went to see the high risk doctor and everything looked great on the ultrasound. He gave me his prediction then that this was a boy. No surprise to me, but we didn't want to announce it yet as 13 weeks is really early to tell gender and there was a chance he was wrong. He said he's right 99% of the time and so far he's been right on all of my pregnancies when he's told us at 13 weeks.
I had a few scares at doctor appointments after that when they couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler and had to do an ultrasound instead. Apparently this little man just sits really low so he's hard to pick up on the doppler.
I started feeling him move around 16 weeks. It was very slight and I wasn't totally sure I was really feeling him. I didn't feel my other kids until almost 20 weeks. Since then I've felt more movement everyday. That is a relief to finally be able to feel movement and have a little reminder each day that he is alive and well.
On December 1, I was 18 weeks 6 days and I went in for my big ultrasound. The ultrasound tech confirmed he was a boy and started raving about how fantastic he looked. As soon as I saw him on the screen I saw his heart beating away which is the main thing I always look for first. She started measuring his brain and said, "He's making my job easy! He's a beautiful baby." She was going through things and talking about how great everything looked. She said he doesn't have clef pallet and he was measuring about a week ahead. No surprise there either. I was a little distracted towards the end because my boys were starting to get restless and Tagg wasn't able to be at that appointment with me. Looking back now, I can tell she got a little quite towards the end of the ultrasound. And she never did say anything about the heart, good or bad, which I realize now was a little strange. Honestly though, I had no clue she was worried about anything. She printed off my pics and told me to wait to see the doctor for my checkup. I texted Tagg and told him everything was good. Baby was big, healthy and had a nice strong heartbeat.
After a few minutes the doctor came in. She said, "So, it's kind of early to do your 20 week ultrasound." I was still oblivious and thought she didn't realize they had done it already so I told her they just did it. She said, "Because it's a little early, Rebecca (the ultrasound tech) wasn't able to see everything she needed to see with his heart." Again, totally unaware I was thinking that they just wanted me to come back in a few weeks to get a better look. Then my doctor said, "From what she was able to see though, she thinks there are some abnormalities." I wasn't really processing what she was saying and I just sat there. She said she wasn't able to tell me exactly what was going on because they needed to get a better look at things. I still just sat there staring at her. Then she said, "You've been through so much already, you really don't need this!" And that's when it hit me. I started bawling. I have been through a lot and I didn't want to go through this too. That's also when I realized this was something serious. She told me I needed to go see Dr. Peters (the high risk doc they work with) right away. She said they had called his office and he was waiting for me to get there. Again, the seriousness of this situation set in. She told me that Dr. Peter's machines are a little better plus he's just more skilled in this area and he should be able to tell me exactly what is going on. She also told me of another problem with the baby which was a completely separate issue. She said that he had a single artery umbilical cord which wasn't too much of a worry since his kidneys looked good. She wanted Dr. Peters to look at that though as well. I called Tagg and tried to explain what was going on through all the tears. I was scared to death of what was going to happen. He was able to reschedule things at work and meet me at the high risk doctor. We had to wait in the waiting room for an hour and a half before he was able to get us in. It was torture. Not only having to wait that long, but having the kids with us too. I thought this was just going to be a quick appointment when I went in at 9 in the morning and it was now noon. I had no food or snacks and my boys were hungry and tired. We were finally taken back to the room and the ultrasound tech started looking at things. I really hate that they aren't allowed to say things because it just makes me so much more nervous. Dr. Peters came in a few minutes later and started looking at things. Of course, Griff started crying as the ultrasound started and Dr. Peters told Tagg he needed to take Griff out since he was crying. I already have issues with Dr. Peters. He's an amazingly knowledgable doctor with the worst bedside manner EVER! After losing Zach and my 3rd pregnancy at 17 weeks he still told me he didn't think I was high risk and that people lose pregnancies all the time. Not exactly the best thing to say to a lady who has been through what I've been through. Anyway, Tagg didn't want to leave but I told him to take Griff out for a minute to see if he calmed down. Luckily he did and was able to come back in the room.
By the end of the ultrasound he diagnosed our little man with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome. He showed us in the ultrasound how blood was only pumping through the left side of the heart. It was very clear to see that and it's amazing to me what detail they can see now on ultrasounds. That was pretty much all he told us and he said we needed to go see a fetal cardiologist to get more details. He also confirmed the single artery umbilical cord. Apparently this happens in 1% of pregnancies and hopefully shouldn't be too much of an issue. He did say that he wanted to do some genetic testing. If there is one issue with a baby they can just handle the one issue. However, if there's ever more than one issue, it's a red flag that there may be something happening with the chromosomes (down syndrome, etc) which is causing the issues. Because I'm on a blood thinner they can't do an amnio until I'm off of it for a few days so they just did a blood draw which isn't as accurate, but should show if there's anything going on related to the chromosomes. We still don't have the results back from that so I'm holding my breath to see what the test shows. We asked him a few questions about what it meant that he had HRHS. What would his life be like, etc. He wouldn't tell us much, but he did say he would for sure have to have surgery after he was born. He told us that the surgery techniques they use are relatively new so there's not a lot of data on it. He did say that doctors think most of these kids will eventually end up on the heart transplant list. That totally freaked me out! Tagg asked him if there is a chance that the right side of the heart will still develop or get bigger and Dr. Peters said there isn't. He also said that unless this is something that has to do with chromosomes, our baby should be fine as long as he's inside me. Right now our baby doesn't have to make his own oxygen so as long as he's in me, this condition doesn't affect him. It's after he's born that it gets scary. I felt a little relieved to know that hopefully stillbirth isn't something we need to worry about this time around.
We left his office confused, concerned and heartbroken. We still didn't know really what all this meant and what to expect. We anxiously awaited our appointment with the Fetal Cardiologist where we would hopefully get more answers. My next post will be about that appointment.
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