Saturday, May 22, 2010
Learning
I am learning that life really isn't fair, but it's still worth living. I am learning to enjoy the little moments more than I ever did before. I am learning that people really do mean well even when they say not so smart things. For example, the lady at the chocolate store that told me I needed to get more chocolate because I was eating for two didn't know that I had buried my baby the day before. My friend that asked what stillborn meant felt awful when she realized what happened to my little boy. Other people that have told us congratulations on our new baby must not have read the text that went along with the picture. However, all of these people we know meant well. I am learning that crying is very therapeutic, but so is laughing. I am learning just how perfect Tagg is for me. I knew this before, but it has really been magnified in the last 2 weeks. I am learning how to try and move forward with life when tragedies happen. I am learning how much my friends and family love me, especially my parents who would do anything for me including taking my pain and heartache away if possible. I am learning how pure Zach's spirit is. So pure he didn't need to be tested. I am learning how much I really can't wait to be a mom and do the mom things. (I know I am a Mom now, but that doesn't ease the emptiness of my arms right now) I am learning how noble the calling of a mom is. I am learning how strong a mother's love really is. I didn't know I was capable of loving the way I love Zachary. He never even took a breath in this life and I love him more than anything. I am learning that even though this trial is the hardest thing I have been asked to bare, I can rely on the Savior and feel his spirit and peace come over me at times to ease the pain and sadness.
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13 comments:
katie, thank you so much for sharing these intimate feelings and moments with us. you are such an example to me. still praying for you! lots of love.
Okay so I was logged in as my sister and I commented then I deleted it. Sorry! Also I'm sorry that I'm commenting all over the place, I just can't help it. I appreciate your willingness to share these feelings. It has truly touched my heart. We love you guys!
Thanks for sharing some things that you have been learning through this very difficult trial. You are an amazing friend who I admire so much. My testimony has definitely been strengthened in so many ways and families are FOREVER!
And I am learning what a beautiful, noble child of God you really are. I have always known that you were special, but watching you face what has to be one of the greatest trials life could ever deliver, with such grace, nobility, and faith has made me wonder how I can ever complain about anything else in my entire life ever again. I love you sweetheart and even though I know it doesn't help a lot right now -I have a feeling those empty arms will be filled again in the not too distant future. By the way - what I said goes for Tagg too. It is obvious that the two of you are a match made in heaven. I love you both.
That you can still smile and laugh through everything is comforting as your friend who can't give you a hug from 2000 miles away!
in tears again!! I love you and want you to know AGAIN I am here for you! I love you!! ;'( This is soo hard!!
Love you, Cady. For whatever it's worth, I feel so inspired and awestruck by your testimony and strength. Know you're in my prayers.
You are so loved. You are such an inspiration to so many people around you, I can tell. I'm so sorry for your and Tagg's loss. But so grateful that we have eternal families and that you will see him again.
So I just got the chance to read all your posts since Tagg's graduation. (No internet at my house, so it makes the blogging world a bit difficult). I cried through the whole thing. The letter you wrote him was priceless and the pictures... I love you to death Katie! You have made me a better person by hearing your thoughts. But what an amazing thing to look forward to your whole life- the chance to raise Zach after this life. You are so lucky! We'll be visiting his grave on Monday. I will let you know how it goes. Love you.
I love this post. Your words are so beautiful.
Katie~
This is Amber's mom and I hope that you don't mind but she clued me into your blog. I actually recognized your husband's picture because I volunteered at the MTC. I am just so sad for your loss. What a beautiful baby little Zach is. I know you will hold him in your arms again and in the meantime, our Savior will walk with you every difficult step of the way. Thank you for sharing your story and your strength. My best to you and Tagg.
My whole family is commenting...sorry! This is Amber's little sister if you remember me. I can't say much more than everyone else already has but please know that people everywhere, people you wouldn't have even thought of, are praying for you. Zach is so precious and he's so lucky to have you as a mom. I know he's your guardian angel watching over you. :)
You're doing a lot of teaching too. I've learned from you to not take my children for granted even for 1 second. And to never wish away the terrible 2s or crying in the night. I couldn't do what you're doing. You're amazing and I know Tagg is too.
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