Today I have been thinking a lot about Zach. I miss him so much. I wish I would have been able to get to know him and his personality. I wish he could be here with me now. One of my really great friends had a baby today and I am just so excited for her. I was thinking about what her experience in the hospital must be like right now. What holding her brand new sweet baby girl would be like. I was trying to imagine how happy she must be and I started to realize that I never had that experience with Zach. I was excited to hold him and see him, but it wasn't a happy experience. It was heartbreaking. More heartbreaking than anything I hope to ever experience again. It wasn't an exciting thing to enter the hospital, it wasn't exciting to hear how much I was dilated, it wasn't exciting to have so much family come see our sweet little angel. I was so grateful to have all of the experiences I had with Zach and I was grateful to have so much support from friends and family, but it wasn't a happy and exciting experience. I am trying to imagine what it will be like with this baby. I can't really let myself go there yet. I try to imagine it and I just can't. I do hope though that my next experience giving birth will be much different than my first.
This little boy is definitely healthy and strong. I went to the doctor yesterday and at 31 weeks he weighs 4lbs 14oz! Can you believe that? Zach at 32 weeks was 3lbs 3oz. I could be looking at a 9-10 lb baby. However, my doctor did say that he could plato out. Right now he is in the 90 something percentile for weight. We'll see what happens. I had my first stress test yesterday as well and it went well. I had a few contractions while I was hooked up to the machine. They were very slight but it was good to know what the contractions felt like. I had been feeling them for a few weeks now but I didn't know they were contractions. Because he is so big, because of the gestational diabetes, and because I've had a stillborn before, they want me to start coming twice a week just to make sure everything is okay. All of those things increase my risk of having another stillborn although my doctor assures me the chances are tiny. I think he said 7 in every 1,000 babies are stillborn. Anyway, I get to have a sonogram every time I go which will be fun! I love looking at this little guy. Only 8 weeks left until they induce! That is if I make it that long!
Tagg and I are headed to San Antonio this weekend to see my parents and go to Wicked with them! It will be our 3rd time seeing the show. It is by far my favorite Broadway show ever! It should be a great weekend with great company.
8 comments:
Katie, I've been thinking about you so much lately. I knew that you were approaching the time that you lost Zach, and I hope you have some sanity! I'm glad this little guy looks so healthy! Your experience delivering him will be better than you can imagine and he will make you so happy! Just think how grateful you will be for him and his health. Good luck getting through these last few weeks, I'm glad the end is finally in sight for you!
Oh Katie I thought about you today as Rachel had her baby girl. I bet it was mixed emotions for sure. I pray that all keeps going well for you and baby boy. I am sure you have thought about Zach a lot lately as the time approaches of when you lost him. You are in my thoughts and prayers and this next experience is going to be great! I can't wait to hear that he is here and doing well. Only a little bit left! Miss you girly so much....
Sending extra prayers your way over the next few weeks. I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you are on right now but I'm glad you get to check in with your baby so often. Hopefully the next two months will fly by. Love you guys!
Um...this is Amanda....but Tucker's with me...we love you guys!
I am praying for you guys a lot lately and will keep it up for sure in these next few weeks. I can't even imagine what you are feeling and the extremes of emotions, but I know that you are loved and so is your little one. I can't wait to meet him!!!!
Katie! I think about you and Tagg ALL THE TIME. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much Zach and the little-boy-to-be are loved as well. When you say "8 weeks" it sounds so soon! But I know it will be full of tons of emotions for you guys. Prayers, fingers crossed, wishes at 11:11, general thoughts and good feelings being sent your way in the next few weeks. Can't wait!!
I just LOVE reading your blog! From reading I see that you are strong, and an amazing person. I know I didn't really know you from our ward in UT, but I truly admire your testimony and your love for your sweet baby Zach. Good luck these last couple of weeks! Praying for you!
ahhhh - wicked again! Lucky you, I've got to go twice and want so badly to go again with Casey - have fun!!
Katie - I'm so excited for you to experience this little guys birth - it will be perfect and it will be amazing enjoy every moment from now until then (and after as well;))
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