Keep on keepin' on

The past few days I've been really focused on the sense of loss I feel.  I get caught up in the here and now and the fact that right at this moment I'm not pregnant anymore.  I'm trying to remember that I still have many years ahead of me to try to bring more children into our family.  The other day, I was walking around Target and I saw the cutest pair of baby girl sandals that were on clearance.  If I was still pregnant I would've snatched them up right away for the little girl I was anticipating, however, instead of buying them, I spent the next hour with a pit in my stomach.  Same thing happened when I was at Old Navy.  One of the workers randomly started talking to me and told me how excited she was that Old Navy finally started making their skinny jeans in maternity sizes.  It took me a good half hour to recover from that one and stop dwelling on the fact that that information is no longer pertinent to me at the moment.  

Through this loss and our loss with Zach, I've been amazed at how some of the people you think will care the most, are the ones that don't say anything at all.  However, people I barely know have been so willing to extend their hand of friendship, love and support.  Through these trials that I've been through I've developed some of the best friendships with unexpected people.  I will never forget the card we recently got from the realtor that helped us find our rental house.  We barely knew her and haven't spoken to her since January, but when she heard about what happened through a mutual friend, she wanted to do what she could to ease the pain.  

I continue to be reminded what is most important in this life.  My little family is the most important thing to me and I am trying to cherish every day I have with them.  Beckett is getting so big and I can't believe how fast the past year and a half has gone.  I didn't know it was physically possible to feel so much joy and happiness just looking at Beckett and knowing that he is mine!  I'm so blessed.  And as I've recently been wondering if Heavenly Father is really aware of me and my trials, I was so grateful for the messages shared in the Relief Society Broadcast last week.  I really felt like every talk was given just for me and my current trial.  Heavenly Father is shaping me so that I can reflect Him.  He is chipping away at me so His image can be in my countenance.  I just can't wait until I get to the other side and can see everything from His perspective and understand why He chose to shape me with these particular trials.  

Because blogging is therapeutic for me, I feel like I most often blog after I've had a tough day.  I really am for the most part doing good though. I just don't think to blog my thoughts on the good days.  And for those of you that read this whole post, here is your reward.  Cute videos of Beckett.  The first one is some of his current tricks. He lost interest towards the end.  The middle one is what Beckett does whenever he closes a door.  I started making the reverse beeping sound when I needed him to move so I could close the door and now he thinks he has to make that sound every time he closes a door.  So funny!  The last one is when I finally got him to say what a lion says on camera.  He's so stinkin' cute!