I am now 17 weeks. This was a huge landmark for me because this is when my previous pregnancy ended. Needless to say, I was about to have a panic attack as I was in the doctor's waiting room yesterday. I felt going into the appointment that it was going to end in heartbreak again so it was a huge relief to see that baby moving on the ultrasound. I knew they were probably going to tell us the gender at this appointment, but I was so nervous about the baby being alive that I didn't really think about it or get excited to find out. After I saw the heart beat, I finally got a little excited and realized we would find out the gender too. Funny how based on the experiences you've had, an ultra sound becomes a completely different experience. Previously, I would've just been so excited to find out the gender. This time, I hardly thought about it in advance. So, now that I've kept you in suspense long enough, I guess I should let you know we are having another BOY! My life just got a whole lot crazier!
I've had a lot of people ask how this pregnancy is going so for those of you that want to know, here it is. I've started to write this post 3 or 4 times, but every time I do, I get nervous that something is wrong so I want to wait until I go to the doctor again. I decided I needed to write this right now since I went to the doctor yesterday and currently feel a sense of relief. This has been a super long and hard pregnancy. Physically, it hasn't been too bad, but mentally and emotionally, it's been draining. I'm constantly worried that something is wrong. I'm doing the lovenox injections in my stomach which I hate, but so far they seem to be working. The hard thing is that I've never really been able to get a for sure answer as to what keeps going wrong and what will fix it. They've done every test under the sun and all I get is, "it could be this, and the shots might help, although they've never been proven to do anything..." Not very reassuring. The only thing I really find comfort in is MY history. It's 100%. When I took the shots, I got Beckett. When I didn't, we lost Zach and my last pregnancy. I'm really trying to remind myself of that, but I still get nervous that the shots aren't going to work. In my head, I'm preparing for this pregnancy to not end well. I hate talking about the pregnancy with most people because they don't really understand all I've been through and the way I'm feeling. There are 5 or 6 people in my ward that are pregnant and every time I'm around them and they start talking about due dates and delivery I get sick to my stomach. It really doesn't seem possible that this baby will make it here safe and sound in July. Whenever people talk about this baby coming in July, in my head I think words like "hopefully", "possibly", and "maybe". I'm not really excited about this pregnancy yet. I keep hoping that at some point I'll get excited before this baby comes, but I think I'm just trying to protect myself in case something bad happens. I've had 6 or 7 sonos and every time I get excited while I'm in the room and realize there really is a live baby in me. Then a few days pass and I'm right back to being full of nerves. That's probably the hardest thing about all of this is that pregnancy will never be an enjoyable, happy time. Hopefully once I feel him moving, I'll be more at peace and I'll get more excited. Usually I'm super anxious and excited to announce our pregnancy. This time, the only reason we told people is because I couldn't hide it anymore. I just feel like we've given a lot of false alarms and I kept thinking that as soon as we told people, something bad would happen.
I'll be honest, part of me really wanted a girl this time. I wanted what I felt was taken away from me last time. Plus this pregnancy was exactly like my last one as far as sickness goes and completely opposite of Zach and Beckett, so when they told us boy I was pretty shocked. I am excited to have a boy though and honestly the main thing I want is a healthy baby. I hope Beckett and this little boy will be the best of friends. Oh, and if you have any boy name suggestions feel free to let me know. I'm at a complete loss right now. I have tons of girl names I love, but I can't think of a single boy name I'm very excited about.
And, if you made it through the end of this, good job! Go get yourself a treat.
8 comments:
Thanks for the update; I bet that was hard to write. I think of you often even though it's been ages since I've "known" you, but you are in my thoughts. Congratulations on finding out the gender, and seeing that little guy wiggle around. :)
I'm so happy that you've made it to this mark. I know that this has been a hard pregnancy for you and I can only imagine how difficult the rest of it will be. Just know that we really are always praying for you. After I got your text on Monday about your worries, I couldn't stop crying. I got down and prayed so hard that this little baby will make it here safely. We'll continue to pray for you. Just know that we're excited for you too. We love you guys!
I love you Katie and you have every right to feel the way you do! I can't even imagine the feelings you are feeling! You are such a wonderful person and I look up to you in so many ways! Congrats...you make very cute boys and I bet they will be the best of friends!
you are so cute!!!! Don't worry. I haven't had to go through what you've been through, but if I had any advice it would be to just take one day at a time. you are amazing. and beckett will love having a little brother to wrestle with!! AND you don't have to go out and spend a ton of money out-fitting a girl. you'll get your girl though, sooner or later, don't worry. love you!!
Dear Katie,
Congratulations on your boy news. You know, I feel like I understand mom talk a little more these days. My ability to relate to you has increased through my own worries about little Motorcycle.
I am so happy for you and your family. Prayers being sent to Texas for continued health
I'm so glad you posted this. I've been terribly worried about you and what you must be feeling. This is pretty much how I thought you'd be feeling and I should've called to just be there for you and tell you that everything will be okay. This little boy has so many prayers, he probably doesn't know what to do with them all! Not just him, but you too. You are going through a lot and dealing with a lot mentally and emotionally. I pray that you'll be at peace and try to enjoy growing this little boy inside your cute belly. We love you so much and I'm always here for you.
What a wonderful landmark for your family! Clark and I are very excited for you and Tagg. I'm glad that little baby boy is doing all right and you should be able to feel him move soon, which has always comforted me.
Have you thought about using William as a first or middle name? (You know, in honor of your side of the family?) I know middle names aren't super helpful, but I'd wondered if you'd considered something like that.
Good luck, and we'll keep an eye out for updates on your family. Tagg is lucky to have you! ~Natalia~
Katie, thanks for sharing. I have been praying for you and that little baby that all may be well, both physically for you and the baby, and mentally for you. I can only imagine how stressful it is to be pregnant with your history, but please know many prayers have been offered that you may be at peace during this pregnancy. Continuing to think of you. Congrats on the boy!!!
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